The Bed Room Is undefiled

~His

When she is taking care of you, mentally, physically spiritually, emotionally and sexually it really exposes her heart to her man. She rides the unsure dividing line of giving too much and feeling too much. This gray area can be emotionally unstable for her if she is not being affirmed by her husband. Receiving too little from your lover is frightening when you feel that you are giving your all. In order to have an affirming relationship, a few ingredients must be present. The content or makeup of that relationship is going to be the glue that keeps it all together. The wise cake baker already has an expectation of his finished product. And as such, we have to cautiously enter our relationships with intent and foresight, giving way to our personal needs and giving a voice to our personal desires within that relationship. When a woman knows her value, one of her biggest obstacles within that relationship will be the balance needed in "filling" her and "fueling" him. The rule of reciprocity will always win out and has to be incorporated in order for the couple to flourish. Single women, if your man is affirming you in all areas of your relationship, however, the promise of marriage, or any talk of your marital future together "never" comes up- check your ingredients! Because If you are working with expired, inaccurately measured, components, "that cake will never rise." (Throw the whole cake away!) Affirmations in marriages are no different, however, they take on a more complex flavor and therefore need to be addressed differently. The core of each Christian marriage is an amalgamation of love trust and submission. Comically, these often public relationships- whether week, strong, or indifferent get their nourishment and sustenance from the marital bed. It has proven to be an important balancing tool and its power should never be underestimated. Women, there is an unequivocal power in our God-given sex. How we use it will either nurture our relationships or be a catalyst for their destruction. God has equipped us to be both givers of life and sustainers. However, we have forgotten our roles and have become unbalanced. Therefore, I would like to reiterate the following:

1.)The spices of life, in and out of your marriage can be sweet or savory- know the difference and apply them at the appropriate time!

2.) The connection that you have with your husband, this is from the inside out! And at its core- the thing that connects you the most is your genitals, in combination with how and when they receive each other.

3.) The giving and receiving, from penis to vagina is a love language that will both strengthen and sustain your union! There have been times in history when the marriage was not even official until it had been consummated. There had to have been evidence of his entrance left behind. However, like most great gifts from God there is always a counterfeit and that counterfeit has come by the way of an overly sexed secular world, imposing their values upon his Church, so much to the point that we no longer understand that we have been infiltrated and in some areas stripped of what was made and given to us! Frigid women around the world, embarrassed of their own sexuality now enter marriage and the marital bed with trepidation and Shame, referring to sex as merely their wifely duty. After years of this "duty," their husband's desires to be with them physically begins to repel them and are often met with contempt and monotony. Most of us know that there is a difference between making love and having sex. But I feel the need to unpack this fact. When couples apply the right spice to the right situation it will always do away with monotony. Sometimes, the line can get a little blurry but one of the best things about being in a loving, committed relationship is the act of making love- as much and as often as possible!

“A woman's need for affirmation within a relationship is the secret ingredient that men sometimes miss.”

~Hers

Women! Do not be so adverse and opposed to throwing all caution to the wind and "getting down and nasty" with your husbands! He is a visual, sexual being and you are his hope in sexual glory! To whom else can he turn? Leave the prayer books and sanctimonious thoughts on the outside of the bedroom, and "droppeth it liketh it is hot!!" When we were in the world, and out of divine order some of us had no problem throwing our pearls to the swine however, now since deliverance has come, we no longer want to "sing our songs of Zion in this righteous place!" Women, sing your song, lift your voice in praise and ecstasy to the most high God, and release yourselves! If you have to invoke scripture invoke it to yourself! Secretly knowing that there is a season and a time to every purpose.
When deciphering between the duality of sexual intercourse (do you want a quickie or do you want to make love?) a seasoned woman will know when to make the ultimate switch! And a full-blown lovemaking session might be just what the doctor ordered. Making love to your husband should be one of the best feelings that your natural body can experience. The connection achieved between the two of you during sex should rival all else. And as a woman, we absolutely have to know the difference, between your husband wanting to have sex, and him wanting to make love to you because his motives and needs for each are completely different. Sometimes women want to throw their husbands under the bus when he wants to relieve pressure but she wanted to be soothed. This can lead to a very uncomfortable, sexual encounter for the woman. She will walk away feeling unsatisfied, and unfulfilled because his stroke was too quick, too hard, and too fast!- when she had something else in mind! Again, this is the difference between having sex and making love.
In an affirmed relationship, there should never be condemnation thrown at your man when he is in a guttural, progesterone driven urge to release pressure because you know that your day is coming! And as a woman you should have those same guttural desires if you don't- then, check your Bible at the front door and get in tune with your body. It should be at these times of trusting and worship (sex) that you ought to be able to get all of your female needs met. What you are timid about telling him about in the lovemaking mode you most certainly will be able to grab him by the neck and tell him what you need when you are in this primitive sexual mode. If it is oral sex that your body has been craving and you have not been able to express it to your husband in a quiet, lovemaking environment, you might want to try it out while you are in this more guttural or primitive sex mode. Allow a few guttural words to slip from your mouth that he wasn't expecting. Affirm him with a few choice words and expletives about his virility, while the two of you throw caution, sheets, and pillows to the wind! Stimulate his genitals with your words as well as any other orifice that the two of you agree upon. A verbal round of fellatio always makes for a stronger bond. Ladies, your husbands want you to know, that their body belongs to you also. He will not be repelled by any tickle stroke, or suck that is administered. Again, if you desire his lips to explore your southernmost atmosphere, stand firm on your desires and lovingly and unashamedly lead him to your relief. In the traditional sense making love (which can take hours for some) should be a slow winding journey of exploration of both the hart, body, and soul. On this level, an orgasm is not the goal! Sharing, worshipping, and fellowship is the connection. As women when we understand the difference in how men gauge this experience, then our bedrooms will become the havens that they should be and our lives outside of the bedroom easier to maneuver.
There is something almost giddy about couples with vibrant sexual relationships. They play together differently, their looks toward each other from across the room are different. They know each other intimately and they have achieved a synergy in and out of the bedroom that is sustaining their marriage. This is not to say that other problems are not present in the relationship, but problems between friends are more apt to be worked out when you are submitting to each other in trust. After all, he knows all your secrets, she knows all of your intimate places- he has been inside of you and with pleasure, you have accepted him! This is your best friend and he loves you, therefore, absolutely, and positively, with a song in your heart, and your lips any place he wants you to put them, submit to all of the awesomeness that this sustained marriage presents and your neighbors will always be giving you guys, in jealousy, the proverbial "side-eye."